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Dimetra's Funnies, Etc. for September 2007

Plan for Peace

Webmaster note--I receive copies of this e-mail occasionally, always attributed to comedian Robin Williams.  However, according to the following web sites, only the final quote is actually from Williams:

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace.  So, here's one plan:

1. The United States will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past and present.  You know... Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys".  We will never "interfere" again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines.  They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our borders.  No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.  We'll give them a free trip home.  After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.  They're illegal!  France will welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!  No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.  If you don't like it there, change it yourself, and don't hide here.  Asylum would never be available to anyone.  We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5. No foreign "students" over age 21.  The older ones are the bombers.  If they don't attend classes, they get a "D", and it's back home baby.
6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.  This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.  The caribou will have to cope for awhile.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don't like it, we go someplace else.  They can go somewhere else to sell their production.  (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere."  They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need.  Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army.  The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace.  We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here.  Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.  That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.  The language we speak is English.  Learn it... or leave!

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'  She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' -- Robin Williams

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